The Misadventures of Jebbie Dones

This skit was inspired by this girl I knew in high school, named Debbie Jones. And by inspired, I mean I used her name and loosely (VERY loosely) based this character off her. Plus I am a bit dyslexic so I called her Jebbie Dones once and a couple of us liked it. Anyway, this was another early skit written a couple of years ago, I had another one that I never really got around to finishing, about a young girl and a time machine/elevator it didn't quite work out, but, meh we'll see. I always thought it was funny that on TV the most "wholesome" girls were the ones getting pregnant, or into some sort of trouble, (Saved, Glee, Secret life of the american teenager[I actually never watched it, but I can only assume] Teen Mom [Wholesome as shit] and Degrassi [ I'm talking about Liberty, Manny was pretty slutty by the time she got pregnant, plus she had an abortion]) I sorta took that idea, wholesome girl, pastor's daughter, white, christian, from Texas, and made her this nympho, she doesn't know any better, she is so father controlled in every other aspect of her life that the one thing he hasn't said was made by the devil must be ok. One of my favorite parts of this skit is the sound cue towards the middle, we hear the sounds of a murder or some sort of thing from Jebbie's past, and she breaks for a second, then it is all wiped clean. Oh Mr. Morel is in this one too, and again he interacts with the characters at the end. Let me know what you think.


Mr. M:  Oh adolescence, it's supposed to be the best years of our lives, but what happens when we are brainwashed by our family? When the ones who are supposed to teach us what is right and wrong abuse that responsibility, let's watch this cautionary tale, called The Misadventures of Jebbie Dones

Jebbie:  Hiya, my name is Jebbie Dones, and I am from the great country of Texas!  Or at least that's what my daddy says, but now we live here in this great state, Southern California, in these great United States “Oh say can you see!!!” (“” means bad singing)  Oh! Um.. Soy de estados unidos (Said very “Gringa”)  for the espanish speakers in the audience, I wish I knew how to say it in 4 more languages, but I only know it in espanish because our cleanin lady Dona-Flora-Rosalina-Donna-Huerta-Gloria-Molina-Rodriguez-Escalante-Ramirez (As she says this she pulls up her sleeves to reveal she has the name written on her arm, she reads it off her arm, and when she runs out of room on one arm, she switches to the other to finish the name)  Sorry, I can't remember all that, luckily, no one knows about it.  But any way , she can only speak in Spanish! My Dad, a pastor says that we saved her from a horrible place called D.F. In Mexico, I'm not really sure where that is, but if places are anything like grades this D-F place sounds pretty bad.  My dad told me that D stands for Damnation, such as Eternal Damnation, and F, stands for Fires, such as the Fires of Hell.  My Daddy is really smart, he took me out of public school because there were so many ummm..what did he call them?....Coloreds? And Mommy said she was afraid of  the buds and the cribs were gonna wrap me (she means the bloods and the crips and rape) I'm not sure what that means but Mommy and Daddy agreed on it, and that rarely happens.  I mean why else would Daddy choke Mommy?.  Any way the Bible tells me that one should always listen to their father, no matter how questionable his demands are.  (Long pause as if remembering a horrible event, if possible a sound cue, Sound cue may be a gunshot, a scream, and the sound of a shovel digging or something else maybe even her singing “This Little Light of Mine” Through tears, then she does away with it) Only you me and God, Daddy......Only you me and God......
(Skud comes in)
Skud: Hey Jebbie!  What'cha doing?
Jebbie:  (Snapping out of trance) Huh, Oh Hey Skud! (To Audience) Skud is our neighbor, my Mommy says he is a nice boy, My Daddy says he is the Anti-Christ  (Back to skud) Just doing some thinking, (Jebbie twitches, but with pretty much her whole body)
Skud: Oh, well what you doing after that?
Jebbie: Dunno, nothing I guess, oh! What day is it?
Skud:  Tuesday
Jebbie: OH! It's tubular Bible Tuesday!
Skud: What in the world is that?
Jebbie: well it is like a regular bible study, only it's tubular!
Skud: Well how about we go see one of those movin pictures? instead?
Jebbie:(She slaps him)  Are you crazy!  My Daddy says that movies are the devils recruiting tools, whole buncha movies about coloreds and homosexuals, the only movie my Daddy let me watch was this one called Birth of a Nation.  And I even heard there was one about (GASP!)  The Jews!
Skud:  All right, well how about dinner at Herb's Diner?
Jebbie: (Slaps Him again)  Do you have any idea what they put in the food there?!
Skud (Rubbing cheek)  What?
Jebbie:  Reefer!!!!
Skud:  What?  That's ridiculous!  Sure maybe someone finds a human finger every now and again, but never has anyone found Reefer in their food!  I should know I work there!
Jebbie:  Well believe what you want, but as my Daddy and The Bible says “Though shall not hold any God's before me”
Skud:  What does that have to do with any-
Jebbie:  Plenty!  If you read the Bible!
Skud: All right, well how about we just go to my house and have sex? (Ready to get slapped)
Jebbie:  (grabs him and lays a big one on him)  Well since no one ever really told me not to have sex,  it must be ok in the eyes of my Daddy and the Bible!  Let's go!
(She Jumps on him, they continue to make out as he strips her shirt off, doing all this as they exit, then Mr. M enters)
Mr. M: Talk to your children (Throws out Condoms)
(Skud reenters wearing a doctor mask, running to the opposite side of the stage, we hear Jebbie offstage doing her breathing, screaming in pain, she is in labor, the doctor tells her the baby is coming out and to give it one big push, she does and a baby comes flying onstage, as Jebbie begins to scream again a shitload of babies come flying onstage, Mr. M starts to help skud catch them)
Mr. M:  Congratulations Pappa!

END