NWF # 13 Leo @ The Wilton Hall of Performance

Hello peoples. It's friday, and that means a new script (What with it being New Works Friday and all) I actually almost forgot about it completely. i didn't remember until about 945 while watching The Walking Dead with my brother. But I got the scene typed up just in time! (Just in time meaning that it is still friday for another like 20 minutes. but a couple of notes about the script and this play.

I have decided to change the names of the towns I talk about. Mostly because the more i write the more I fins myself getting further away from the reality of the small town i grew up in, and more into this bat shit crazy town, where being exposed to the air just adds to everyone's crazy levels. I mean Wildomar is like that, but the effects just aren't as common as all the folks in this town. I am renaming the town "Wilton" so it's not too far off from Wildomar. Also you will see the names of two other towns here, that I've slightly changed, so idea yet as to what I'm gonna call Lake Elsinore, Lake Snellsinore? Snailsinore? Bailsinore? I have no clue. Why not leave a suggestion in the comments?

As always I hope you enjoy this and let me know what you think. I don't get much feedback if any, so any would be much appreciated. Thanks!!

Scene 6: Leo @ The Wilton Hall of Performance.

An old Theater space, there are lights all over the floor, wires hanging, the floor is littered with mess, a large banner that reads “Mountain Spayers” hangs on the back wall. Mr. Plottle walks in followed by Leo and Joel. He is an older gentleman, a bit crazed looking, he carries a cat with him.

Mr. Plottle: Here she is boys, the Wilton hall of Performance. Now, we haven't had a show in here in about ten years, not since the Wilton Performance Hall opened up down the road there, so it hasn't been cleaned in a while.

Joel: When was the last time?

Mr. Plottle: 1994

Joel: I thought you said it's only been closed for ten years?

Mr. Plottle: Look, there's a reason people went to the Wilton Performance Hall, and it sure as hell wasn't the music.

Joel: Fun...

Leo: Speaking of, who are the Mountain Sprayers?

Mr. Plottle: Spayers, SPAYers! The Mountain Spayers was the best band to ever play the Wilton Hall of Performance.

Leo: What sort of music did they play?

Mr. Plottle: They were a Metal-Disco-Jazz-Reggae-Folk-Electronica-Fusion-Glen Miller Orchestra-Frida Kahlo type of band.

Leo: But wasn't Frida Kahlo a painter?

Mr. Plottle: Yeah, who do you think painted all the seats?

Leo: I was wondering about that.

Joel: So, Mr. Plottle, do you have any lighting instruments that still work? How is your sound system? Do you have any sort of fly system?

Mr. Plottle: You see those lights on the floor over there?

Joel: Yeah...

Mr. Plottle: That's our light inventory.

Joel: Great... Leo, can I talk to you?

Leo: Uh, yeah hold on, I think something is eating through my shoe... Ow! (They go to one side of the stage together, Leo takes his shoe off) Ok, so it's not the nicest place in town, but it is the cheapest.

Jeol: Leo, this place is a dump, we've gotta keep looking.

Leo: There isn't anywhere else in town that we can afford, those jags over at The Wilton Performance Hall want ten times as much as this place does.

Joel: Because it's ten times cleaner I'm sure. Also how much does this place want?

Mr. Plottle: Two steaks and a shoe, sorry couldn't help but eavesdrop.

Joel: Wait, so the Wilton Performance Hall wants twenty steaks, and ten shoes?

Leo: And a rug, can you believe that? A rug Joel, a rug. I mean, that place is nice sure, but not twenty steaks nice, fifteen maybe.

Joel: Are all business transactions around here done with meats?

Mr. Plottle: No, just here the Wilton Performance Hall, and the Pharmacy down the street. So, you boys gonna take the space or what?

Leo: Alright Plottle, just hold your horses. Joel? What do you think?

Joel: And we couldn't do it Morretta or Tebacula why?

Loe: Joel, I may not be fond of Wilton, but it's my hometown. I love it, sort of how you have to love your parents no matter how much they try to crush your dreams. If I am going to start something I want it to be in my hometown, my crazy, crazy hometown.

Joel: Fine, we'll take it.

Mr. Plottle: Great! I'll go draw up the papers! We are eatin tonight Marsha! (Exits)

Leo: Oh man Joel, this is really coming together, thanks for all your help, I wouldn't have been able to do this without you.

Joel: Aw come on, sure you could've.

Leo: No, really, I couldn't have. We've still got a long way to go, but we are headed there, it's all so real now that we have the space.

Joel: Now we just have to get actors who are willing to work for almost nothing, rehearse, design the set and lights, and get it all done, then open, and close. I wonder where we'll be able to find actors?

Bryan Daniel: (Entering, surprising Joel and Leo) Don't even think of trying to steal my actors, hello boys.

Leo: Bryan Daniel, what are you doing here?

Bryan Daniel: Just checking up on the competition, Leonard.

Leo: You know I hate it when you call me that.

Bryan Daniel: Well that's part of why I do it, Leonard. Now tell me, is this where you are going to put on your little “Show”? Leonard, this place is a dump, who in their right mind is going to want to watch a show in here? The asbestos is so thick here it chokes the rats. And who the hell are the Mountain Sprayers?

Leo: SPAYers. And those rats had smoking problems long before the asbestos.

Bryan Daniel: Listen to yourself Leonard, this place, this town has gotten to you. This is why I never wanted to visit while we were dating, it's a filth pit full of crazy people. And now you have even dragged poor Jared here-

Joel: It's Joel, you know it's Joel, we worked together for like 8 months.

Bryan Daniel: Jared, it's very rude to interrupt a man while he is talking. I see you learned nothing from our time together. Just look at him Leonard, do you see what the madness of this place has done to poor Jared? Do you really think you can put on a show here?

Leo: Of course we can, we might have to work a little harder this time around, but we will put on a show, and you know as well as I do that it is is going to be a hell of a lot better than yours Bryan Daniel, that's why you're here, checking up on us.

Bryan Daniel: Ha, you don't really believe that do you?

Leo: Yes, we do.

Bryan Daniel: We? So what, little Jared here believes in your plan too?

Joel: It's Joel-

Bryan Daniel: Jared, come on, seriously? Shut up.

Leo: Hey, Joel is just as much in charge of this as I am. He's my partner-

Bryan Daniel: What!? He's your what?

Joel: Leo, I mean, I- yeah, I felt like that, but I didn't know-

Leo: What, he's my business partner, so?

Bryan Daniel & Joel: Oh...

Leo: I don't get it what?

Bryan Daniel: Nothing. So when do you plan on opening?

Leo: We've got a date... Yeah, right Joel?

Joel: We do? (Leo kicks him) ow, uh right, an opening date, it's uh... Well, when is yours?

Bryan Daniel: (Gets uncomfortably close to Joel) How about at the same time, we say it in unison.

Joel: Uh... K. (Joel is making it up on the spot, while Bryan Daniel is trying to copy everything he says, without any of Joel's inflections) Well, we, uh... Were thinking of... Are you copying me? I am really uncomfortable with how close you are Bryan Daniel. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it! May 16^th!

Bryan Daniel: Wow, really May 16^th? The same day as our opening, way to copy me Leonard. I always knew you wanted to be me, but this is just getting excessive, don't you think? First I get a Theater Company, then you have to get one, then I come to Wilton, and you just happen to be here? And now, you even took May 16^th away from me. Do you know no bounds? Even copying my favorite color, Blue? Look, we're over, I broke up with you, there is no getting me back, I'm gone Leonard, Bryan Daniel doesn't do second chances, that goes for you too Jared.

Joel: There is no point in correcting him is there?

Leo: Nope. Bryan Daniel, I only started my own company because you got me fired from my last one. You came to Wilton to specifically find me, and you know you just copied whatever Joel said. Also Your favorite color is Houndstooth, so stop pretending it's blue. Plus, I broke up with you, you seem to have some sick fascination with me, so please just go.

Bryan Daniel: (Getting extremely close to Leo) I have never been broken up with Leonard, and you know it. No one would dare break up with Bryan Daniel Stevens!

Leo: Well, I did.

Bryan Daniel: Are you sure? I think we should sleep together one more time, just to make sure.

Leo: Ugh, get away from me.

Bryan Daniel: Fine, but what do you say to making this rivalry a little more interesting?

Joel: It's hardly a rivalry, we are two different theater companies, in two separate towns, we don't even have the same audience. (Bryan Daniel is about to interrupt, but Joel stops him) And so help me god Bryan Daniel, I have just as much right to talk as you or Leo.

Bryan Daniel: Hmm... You're rude, I could get into that.

Joel: Shutting up.

Leo: Interesting how?

Bryan Daniel: A competition, whoever has the better opening night wins.

Leo: Alright, but it's about how many people show up AND stay through till the end. And if they like it, AND what the reviews say. Whoever puts on the better overall production of Macbeth wins.

Bryan Daniel: Fine, and when I win you have to close down your little company, and come work for me, at half pay, and have sex with me once a week.

Leo: No

Bryan Daniel: Just once.

Leo: No

Bryan Daniel: Fine, no sex... quarter pay.

Leo: Deal, and when WE win, you have to pay all of our company's expenses out of your own pocket for next years season. AND you have to stop sending me dirty pictures of yourself.

Bryan Daniel: Never.

Leo: Less Frequently

Bryan Daniel: Deal. (They Shake hands) May the best man win, Leonard.

Leo: Oh, don't worry, we will.

Bryan Daniel exits.

Joel: Leo are you sure about this?

Leo: Not as sure as before you asked me if I was sure. We've got a lot of experience, but he does have one thing that we do not.

Joel: What's that?

Mr. Plottle: (Offstage) Alright, now this contract is mostly used coffee filter, but it'll do.

Leo: Money...

Black out.

NWF # 12 Leo @ Work

A new scene. I like it, but I think I might need to edit it, let me know what you think. I do really like the two characters used here, one of the waitress, she might come back, maybe not. But this pretty much happened to me, at a Denny's, good times. And then there is OCD Guy, he will definitely be coming back. Enjoy! Also I am gonna try and post some more skits in the coming week, I have some that I wanted to post, but I just never got around to it, nothing new, but scripts that aren't up yet.

Scene 5: Leo @ Lunch

A diner, Leo and Joel are seated by a waitress, she leaves

Leo: Alright, so tell me everything, Bryan Daniel fired Karen?

Joel: And now he is directing the show.

Leo: What are you guys doing anyway?

Joel: The Scottish Play

Leo: What?

Joel: You know, “The Scottish Play”

Leo: No, yeah, I know, but why are you saying it like that? Why not just call it by it's name? Mac-

Joel: (Cuts him off) Nope, ah, don't, just, The Scottish Play, ok?

Leo: Why won't you say it?

Joel: Because...

Leo: Why?

Joel: Well, you know... (Points out to the audience and brings attention to the actual theater space) Cause we're in a... you know... don't make me say it...

Leo: Oh right... (clears throat) So how is a dick who's never even seen a play supposed to direct Macbeth?

Joel: We're just gonna ignore that? Alright, uh, well he is definitely not doing a good job. He doesn't really know what to do, or what the play is about. So he just rented a whole bunch of film adaptations and are telling the actors to do like in the films

Leo: What do you mean?

Joel: He just gives them a DVD and tells them, “Watch this, do it like that”

Leo: That's horrible advice, and how are the actors handling it?

Joel: Well, some of them have really taken to it, I mean it wouldn't be so bad if he just gave all of them the same movie to emulate, but our Macbeth was given a Japanese adaptation, and he wants to read all his lines in Japanese.

Leo: No...

Joel: Oh my god, you should have seen him, yesterday he came to rehearsal in full garb, with a sword and everything, oh my god it's terrible.

The Waitress walks over

Waitress: Hey, you guys ready to order?

Leo: Uh, actually we just need a little longer

Waitress: Ok, that's fine (She just stands there staring at them, she has something to say, and is very excited about it) Can I ask you, are you two a thing?

Leo: Excuse me?

Waitress: You two are Gay right?

Leo: Yes, is that a problem?

Waitress: Oh no, no, no! You misunderstand me sweet heart. I think what y'all are doin is just great! Ya know, the Gay thing. I had an Uncle who was Gay, real shame though, he killed himself

Leo and Joel become physically uncomfortable

Leo: Oh, I'm so sorry for your loss.

Waitress:Oh, thank you. Yeah I just love the Gays, so funny, they're great dancers, and just are so good at fashion!

Joel: Uh... Thank you?

Waitress: Ya know, if you two are thinkin of having kids anytime soon, I've been thinkin bout it too, havin a Gay guys kid. Ya know, bein a surrogate mother.

Leo: Oh, no we're not-

Waitress: Oh, I could give ya a real discount too! I turn out just adorable little kids, you should just see my kids, so pretty, not like my sister Judith's kids, buncha chunky little acid faced monsters if ya ask me, oh but do try to not tell her I told you that. Here, take a look at my oldest, nine, ain't he just the cutest little kid you ever seen? And you could have your very own, if the price is right.

Leo: No, really we're good, thank you though.

Waitress: Ok, well if you change your mind I know a gal that's got two thumbs, is divorced from her jealous husband, and has a real fertile uterus! This one! (laughs) So ya know what you want?

Leo: I'll just take a burger and fries.

Joel: Pancake breakfast please.

Waitress: Ok, and how would you like your child today? Blond, or brunette? Just kiddin, a little surrogate mother humor! (Exits thinking she just told the best joke ever)

Joel: Was she just trying to sell us her uterus?

Leo: I think so... Coulda been worse, the other day I had a nine year old ask me if I knew where he could get some weed. What the hell is wrong with people?

Joel: Well, so how are things here for you?

Leo: Oh I just love it, lots of open air, the locals are so lovely, every one here really embraces what it means to be a compassionate human... I hate it, I hate it with the passion of a million suns, the people here are weird, I think some of them don't have souls, yesterday I saw a baby wearing an “I Like Ike” shirt, how is that still a thing!?

Leo stops talking as OCD Guy enters from stage right and walks across the stage, he wears a cap and carries a cane for the blind with him. He does not say anything, or take notice of anyone, Leo follows him with his eyes, mesmerized/terrified.

Joel: What are you-

Leo: Shhh!

Joel now sees him and they watch him walk across the stage together, he exits.

Joel: Who was that?

Leo: OCD Guy.

Joel: Who?

Leo: He's this old guy who walks the same path through the town everyday. He never says anything to anyone, he doesn't even move when he see's you coming. So we call him OCD Guy.

Joel: Is he blind?

Leo: I don't think so, he just carries that cane.

Joel: Uh, ok.

Leo: So what were we talking about?

Joel: You, here, hate.

Leo: Right. This town, it breeds a certain type of crazy that I had forgotten about. I mean yeah I've got a few screws loose, but some of the people here just aren't there anymore. I don't know if it's the meth in the air, or the water from Lake Elsinore, but they sure are something different. And different from city crazies, this is small town crazy, and I think I'm catching it Joel. The other day I swear I heard a disembodied voice call my name out as I walked home from work, my boss told me that it was the souls of all the kids who died in the making of the Little Rascals, I know that doesn't make any sense, but I kinda believed him!

Joel: Leo, why don't you come back with me? Come back to the city, to the Theater.

Leo: God I miss the Theater, but there's no way Bryan Daniel would accept my help, he was always like that, one time he wouldn't let me drive him to the hospital because he wouldn't let a “silly broken leg” ruin his weekend. We were camping, and were attacked by wolves, we stayed for another three days until he passed out and I could get him to a hospital.

Joel: Jesus.

Leo: And besides, he's the asshole that fired me in the first place!

Joel: Well what are you gonna do? Stay here and work your shitty jobs that you hate for the rest of your life? It's not like there's any Theater going on around here.

Leo: You know what? You're right.

Joel: You'll come back with me? I can talk to Bryan Daniel if you want-

Leo: No, no, no not about that jag, about there being no theater here.

Joel: Yeah, so?

Leo: I'll make some!

Joel: Huh?

Leo: I'm gonna start a theater company out here!

Joel: What!?

Leo: Yeah, I'll start a company, rent out a space, put on a show, and start a Theater revolution!

Joel: I don't think that's a thing.

Leo: Ok, maybe not a revolution, but I'll be able to do some theater, and you're going to help me!

Joel: What? No way, Bryan Daniel said that if I can make it through tech week without him firing me he would give me a big bonus.

Leo: That's a lie, he always used to say that to his house cleaning staff, about lasting till christmas, and before you could say deck the halls, they were deported, and they weren't even immigrants. Come on Joel, we can start our own company, you and me , just like old times.

Joel: So you'll yell at me all the time? I'm good, Bryan Daniel is a prick, but at least he's paying me.

Leo: Joel, I'm sorry, I really am, this time will be different, we'll be partners, equals in the business, whattya say?

Joel: Well... I need to think about it, it's quite a big step, I don't even live out here. How am I supposed to make money?

Leo: You can move in with me, at my parent's place. We'll find you a job, the theater will be our extra project.

Joel: That sounds like a terrible idea, your Dad doesn't like me.

Leo: My Dad doesn't like anybody, it'll be fine, we won't even be at the house most of the time. Joel, I am very invested in this idea now.

Joel: But you just came up with this like a minute ago, we have to think about this more.

Leo: (Getting down on one knee) Joel Marcus Rabinowitz

Joel: That's not my name...

Leo: Would you do me the honor of being my business partner in this new Theater company? For better or worse? Cause if it fails we're screwed.

Joel: When you put it like that it just sounds terrible... (Looks at him) Oh alright, fuck it. What's there to loose, except everything, yes, I will, I will go into business with you.

Leo: You've made me the happiest Gay Man in all of Wildomar (He gets up and Kisses Joel an the lips, there is a collective clapping and hollering as if from other patrons)

Leo: Sorry, I got a little carried away...

Joel: Oh, uh no, it's fine...

Waitress: (Entering) I just heard, you're getting married!? Should I go prep my womb?

Joel: Oh god

Leo: Even better, we're opening a Theater company!

Blackout, light on Leo

Leo: And that's how it happened, Joel and I started a theater company, over the next couple of weeks we got things started. I helped Joel move into my parents place, I told my dad that he was an old friend from the city, which immediatley made him hate Joel, but once I told him he could pay rent he was more neutral than hateful. We got him a job at my work, and he hates it as much as I do. But we are on the hunt for a Theater space and decided to put on our own production of Macbeth. Mostly to stick it to Bryan Daniel, who wasn't too happy to see Joel leave, and even less happy to see me. But we are making it happen. We think we even found a space and are going to go check it out this weekend. Honestly, I'm terrified. I haven't told Joel this, but what if we fail? I can talk big because I've put on a lot of shows, but what if we can't pull this off? What if no one comes? Joel moved his entire life because I asked him to. And what about that? Are me and Joel? That kiss was so... I uh, don't really have time to think about that right now. He's a great guy don't get me wrong, but I just need more time.

NWF # 11 Leo @ a Part-Time Job or Two

This is scene four, I haven't written scene 3 yet, but here is a new scene from a new play, I hope you enjoy it and the last two scenes I wrote for it. Let me know if you have any questions, comments or concerns. I forgot to say in the last post that, if you couldn't guess, this is semi-autobiographical. In that it is based on certain people I have met in my life, and certain things that have happened to me, mostly it's the former though, I have met some crazies in my life, and here are a few more. Enjoy. 

Scene 4: Leo @ a Part-Time Job... or Two

The stage is divided in half, stage left is Leo and all his goings on, stage right is Joel and the company

Leo: (Wearing a red shirt and khaki pants) So I found some work, I couldn't find anything to do with Theater unfortunately. Wildomar isn't really a place where Theater happens, I mean sure we've got the high school plays, but that's probably about as big as it gets. Really the biggest things around here are the Dairy, where you can feed the animals, don't worry, hardly anyone ever gets attacked or maimed, and the small air field used for sky divers, again, people hardly ever get attacked or maimed. My job isn't all that bad, sometimes I get to go on break. It's not that the customers are rude, well it's not just that the customers are rude, it's that they don't quite seem to know what they want or how to tell me what they want. (A woman carrying a baby or two walks up to Leo) For instance...

Woman: Hi, I'm looking for something, can you help me?

Leo: Sure, what can I help you find?

Woman: Well I need something to feed my baby.

Leo: Ok.

Woman: Yeah.

Leo: Is that it?

Woman: Yes, something to feed my baby.

Leo: Well what do usually feed your baby?

Woman: I'm sorry I don't understand your question.

Leo: What does your baby usually eat?

Woman: One more time?

Leo: What do you usually feed your baby?

Woman: I'm sorry, is there someone else I can talk to who doesn't have such a strong accent?

Leo: (Leo is confused) Accent? Ma’am I don't have an accent, are you looking for formula, or for baby food?

Woman: Yes.

Leo: Yes, what?

Woman: I am looking for that.

Leo: That being which one?

Woman: I'm sorry what?

Leo: Formula or baby food?

Woman: Yes, that one.

Leo: (Giving up) Aisle seven (She exits) I have no idea what is in aisle seven, or if we even have an aisle seven, the store is oddly arranged.

Joel walks in carrying a bag of props

Joel: Hey guys, we're going to get started, so please come take a look at your props... Guys? (Exits)

An older man with a cane (Man w Cane) walks in and looks lost, Leo approaches him

Leo: Can I help you with something sir?

Man w Cane: Sorry, Jose! You're not getting my social security number!

Leo: Sir, I was just trying to see if you needed any help, you look a little lost.

Man w Cane: Don't come any closer Miguel, I know all about your kind, I was in Vietnam!

Leo: Sir, I'm Mexican, not Vietnamese, you seemed to realize that a second ago...

Man w Cane: Uh huh, likely story, I saw it on the news! These damn Swedes comin over to eat our toenails! Well you ain't getting my toenails! Viva Harriet Tubman!! (He starts to jab at Leo with his cane)

Leo: Sir, ow, hey, stop it! Sir-Sir? Sir! I'm gonna have to ask you to leave, stop-ow, Sir? Gimme that! (He grabs the cane from the man)

Man w Cane: Help! This Filipino gal is trying to steal the tops of my carrots!

Joel: Has anyone seen Karen? She was supposed to be here an hour ago.

Bryan Daniel enters

Bryan Daniel: She's not coming.

Joel: What she's not coming to rehearsal?

Bryan Daniel: No, she's not coming, ever.

Joel: Well, of course not, she's too out of it. I'm sorry who are you?

Bryan Daniel: I'm Bryan Daniel, I own the company now, please try to remember that, and you are? (Before Joel can answer) Joel, am I right? Hmm, yes you look like a Joel, oh, and your the stage manager now, isn't that right? (Again) Yes, of course it's right, I gave you the position, so I should know what you do. Well Joel, seeing as I fired Karen-

Joel: You fired Karen!?

Bryan Daniel: Yes I did Joel, also, do try to not interrupt me while I'm talking, it is very rude, and I am your boss Joel, please do try and remember that (Again) No need to apologize Joel, I'm sure Karen's departure was a bit of a shock, I'm sure it will be to everyone when you announce it to them, and I'm sure you didn't mean to rudely burst out in the middle of my speech. I'll forgive you, seeing as how this is the first time we've met, but unfortunately Joel, everyone only gets one first impression, and you seem to have made a sower one, wouldn't you say? (Again) Of course you would. Now, with Karen gone I will be directing this play, of course I have no experience with this sort of thing, in fact I've never even seen a play, oh sure Leo would invite me to this crap all the time, but who needs theater when we have film? Am I right Joel?

Joel: Actually-

Bryan Daniel: Of course I'm right, now are those the actors? (Exiting) Hello people whose names I will not remember...

Joel: It was nice meeting you?

Bryan Daniel: (Off stage) Come along Joel, you have a big announcement to make!

Joel: shit... (Exits)

Leo enters in black pants, white shirt, green apron, pushing broom, Lisa enters, an older woman wearing a white shirt, green vest, black pants, her face has an unnatural orange glow, she globs on makeup like it's going out of style, she is overly sweet, yet inherently evil.

Lisa: Hey Leo, how those floors treatin ya?

Leo: Oh, hey Lisa. Uh, they're fine I guess?

Lisa: Great, so I'm going on my lunch break, so if you have any questions just ask Josette, also always remember when bagging groceries to check on Bob.

Leo: Uh, who's Bob?

Lisa: Not a who, a where. B.O.B. Bottom Of Basket, ya know, Bob, Bobby, Bobert, Bobby Brown, ok?

Leo: Uh, right, sure, Bobby... Brown...

Lisa: Also, don't forget Cindy

Leo: The other bagger? What about her?

Lisa: No silly, C.I.N.D.Y. Carts In Negro Defense, Yeild (Lisa Exits)

Leo: What does that even mean!?

Joel walks in and is covered in junk that was thrown on him, spaghetti, candy, a sock etc. He picks up his phone and dials. Leo's phone rings on the other side of the stage.

Joel: Hey Leo, you busy?

Leo: Joel! Nah, I'm just at work, and my crazy supervisor just went on her lunch break, hey what do you think, “Carts In Negro Defense, Yield” means?

Joel: uh, kinda sounds like a racist traffic law...

Leo: Yeah, so what's up?

Joel: So uh, I met Bryan Daniel today, he's uh... something.

Leo: I know, he sucks.

Joel: How did you date him? How could you date him? That guy is a giant turd in human form, granted he is handsome as fuck-

Leo: He's like if you took a hot Bear, and a Model, and decided they weren't good enough and found someone who could be both.

Joel: And he's rich as a king.

Leo: One time he bought me a horse, and trained it to change songs on my ipod...

Joel: Wait, Leo!? Did you just date him for his money? Was he your sugar daddy!?

Leo: No! Joel, give me more credit than that! I was super drunk, we slept together, then I found out he was super rich the next morning.

Joel: Leo, come on, that guy? Him? Leo, him? Him, Leo? Leo. Leo. Him, Leo?

Leo: I tried to tell him we weren't a thing that morning, it was just drunk sex, but he wouldn't hear of it. So he kept asking me out, the more I said no, the bigger and more extravagant his invites got. I finally had to say yes when he got Chicago to stop in the middle of “Saturday in the Park” so that he could ask me out. I mean Chicago was watching, what was I going to do, say no?

Joel: Well, how long did you guys date?

Leo: Six months

Joel: Six months?

Leo: I tried to break up with him a million times, but you know how he is, you met him, I'm sure he hardly let you get a word in edgewise.

Joel: True

Leo: Plus, he would just take off his clothes, and well... you know how much I enjoy chest hair...

Joel: Didn't need to picture that, really could have done with out that.

Leo: Sorry, hey I think I see my supervisor coming, what are you doing this weekend? Let's hang out, come up to Wildomar, we can chat some more. I'd love to see a friendly, partially sane face.

Joel: Only if we can get super smashed, this week has been terrible.

Leo: I am so down for that, crap Lisa's here, I'll call you later!

Lisa Enters

Lisa: Leo, I know you haven't worked here that long, but you should know that you can't use your cell phone while on the clock. Remember: Cell Usage, Not Tolerated, C.U.N-

Leo: (Interrupting) Ok, yeah, got it, thanks Lisa.

Black out.