This is scene four, I haven't written scene 3 yet, but here is a new scene from a new play, I hope you enjoy it and the last two scenes I wrote for it. Let me know if you have any questions, comments or concerns. I forgot to say in the last post that, if you couldn't guess, this is semi-autobiographical. In that it is based on certain people I have met in my life, and certain things that have happened to me, mostly it's the former though, I have met some crazies in my life, and here are a few more. Enjoy.
Scene 4: Leo @ a Part-Time Job... or Two
The stage is divided in half, stage left is Leo and all his goings on, stage right is Joel and the company
Leo: (Wearing a red shirt and khaki pants) So I found some work, I couldn't find anything to do with Theater unfortunately. Wildomar isn't really a place where Theater happens, I mean sure we've got the high school plays, but that's probably about as big as it gets. Really the biggest things around here are the Dairy, where you can feed the animals, don't worry, hardly anyone ever gets attacked or maimed, and the small air field used for sky divers, again, people hardly ever get attacked or maimed. My job isn't all that bad, sometimes I get to go on break. It's not that the customers are rude, well it's not just that the customers are rude, it's that they don't quite seem to know what they want or how to tell me what they want. (A woman carrying a baby or two walks up to Leo) For instance...
Woman: Hi, I'm looking for something, can you help me?
Leo: Sure, what can I help you find?
Woman: Well I need something to feed my baby.
Leo: Ok.
Woman: Yeah.
Leo: Is that it?
Woman: Yes, something to feed my baby.
Leo: Well what do usually feed your baby?
Woman: I'm sorry I don't understand your question.
Leo: What does your baby usually eat?
Woman: One more time?
Leo: What do you usually feed your baby?
Woman: I'm sorry, is there someone else I can talk to who doesn't have such a strong accent?
Leo: (Leo is confused) Accent? Ma’am I don't have an accent, are you looking for formula, or for baby food?
Woman: Yes.
Leo: Yes, what?
Woman: I am looking for that.
Leo: That being which one?
Woman: I'm sorry what?
Leo: Formula or baby food?
Woman: Yes, that one.
Leo: (Giving up) Aisle seven (She exits) I have no idea what is in aisle seven, or if we even have an aisle seven, the store is oddly arranged.
Joel walks in carrying a bag of props
Joel: Hey guys, we're going to get started, so please come take a look at your props... Guys? (Exits)
An older man with a cane (Man w Cane) walks in and looks lost, Leo approaches him
Leo: Can I help you with something sir?
Man w Cane: Sorry, Jose! You're not getting my social security number!
Leo: Sir, I was just trying to see if you needed any help, you look a little lost.
Man w Cane: Don't come any closer Miguel, I know all about your kind, I was in Vietnam!
Leo: Sir, I'm Mexican, not Vietnamese, you seemed to realize that a second ago...
Man w Cane: Uh huh, likely story, I saw it on the news! These damn Swedes comin over to eat our toenails! Well you ain't getting my toenails! Viva Harriet Tubman!! (He starts to jab at Leo with his cane)
Leo: Sir, ow, hey, stop it! Sir-Sir? Sir! I'm gonna have to ask you to leave, stop-ow, Sir? Gimme that! (He grabs the cane from the man)
Man w Cane: Help! This Filipino gal is trying to steal the tops of my carrots!
Joel: Has anyone seen Karen? She was supposed to be here an hour ago.
Bryan Daniel enters
Bryan Daniel: She's not coming.
Joel: What she's not coming to rehearsal?
Bryan Daniel: No, she's not coming, ever.
Joel: Well, of course not, she's too out of it. I'm sorry who are you?
Bryan Daniel: I'm Bryan Daniel, I own the company now, please try to remember that, and you are? (Before Joel can answer) Joel, am I right? Hmm, yes you look like a Joel, oh, and your the stage manager now, isn't that right? (Again) Yes, of course it's right, I gave you the position, so I should know what you do. Well Joel, seeing as I fired Karen-
Joel: You fired Karen!?
Bryan Daniel: Yes I did Joel, also, do try to not interrupt me while I'm talking, it is very rude, and I am your boss Joel, please do try and remember that (Again) No need to apologize Joel, I'm sure Karen's departure was a bit of a shock, I'm sure it will be to everyone when you announce it to them, and I'm sure you didn't mean to rudely burst out in the middle of my speech. I'll forgive you, seeing as how this is the first time we've met, but unfortunately Joel, everyone only gets one first impression, and you seem to have made a sower one, wouldn't you say? (Again) Of course you would. Now, with Karen gone I will be directing this play, of course I have no experience with this sort of thing, in fact I've never even seen a play, oh sure Leo would invite me to this crap all the time, but who needs theater when we have film? Am I right Joel?
Joel: Actually-
Bryan Daniel: Of course I'm right, now are those the actors? (Exiting) Hello people whose names I will not remember...
Joel: It was nice meeting you?
Bryan Daniel: (Off stage) Come along Joel, you have a big announcement to make!
Joel: shit... (Exits)
Leo enters in black pants, white shirt, green apron, pushing broom, Lisa enters, an older woman wearing a white shirt, green vest, black pants, her face has an unnatural orange glow, she globs on makeup like it's going out of style, she is overly sweet, yet inherently evil.
Lisa: Hey Leo, how those floors treatin ya?
Leo: Oh, hey Lisa. Uh, they're fine I guess?
Lisa: Great, so I'm going on my lunch break, so if you have any questions just ask Josette, also always remember when bagging groceries to check on Bob.
Leo: Uh, who's Bob?
Lisa: Not a who, a where. B.O.B. Bottom Of Basket, ya know, Bob, Bobby, Bobert, Bobby Brown, ok?
Leo: Uh, right, sure, Bobby... Brown...
Lisa: Also, don't forget Cindy
Leo: The other bagger? What about her?
Lisa: No silly, C.I.N.D.Y. Carts In Negro Defense, Yeild (Lisa Exits)
Leo: What does that even mean!?
Joel walks in and is covered in junk that was thrown on him, spaghetti, candy, a sock etc. He picks up his phone and dials. Leo's phone rings on the other side of the stage.
Joel: Hey Leo, you busy?
Leo: Joel! Nah, I'm just at work, and my crazy supervisor just went on her lunch break, hey what do you think, “Carts In Negro Defense, Yield” means?
Joel: uh, kinda sounds like a racist traffic law...
Leo: Yeah, so what's up?
Joel: So uh, I met Bryan Daniel today, he's uh... something.
Leo: I know, he sucks.
Joel: How did you date him? How could you date him? That guy is a giant turd in human form, granted he is handsome as fuck-
Leo: He's like if you took a hot Bear, and a Model, and decided they weren't good enough and found someone who could be both.
Joel: And he's rich as a king.
Leo: One time he bought me a horse, and trained it to change songs on my ipod...
Joel: Wait, Leo!? Did you just date him for his money? Was he your sugar daddy!?
Leo: No! Joel, give me more credit than that! I was super drunk, we slept together, then I found out he was super rich the next morning.
Joel: Leo, come on, that guy? Him? Leo, him? Him, Leo? Leo. Leo. Him, Leo?
Leo: I tried to tell him we weren't a thing that morning, it was just drunk sex, but he wouldn't hear of it. So he kept asking me out, the more I said no, the bigger and more extravagant his invites got. I finally had to say yes when he got Chicago to stop in the middle of “Saturday in the Park” so that he could ask me out. I mean Chicago was watching, what was I going to do, say no?
Joel: Well, how long did you guys date?
Leo: Six months
Joel: Six months?
Leo: I tried to break up with him a million times, but you know how he is, you met him, I'm sure he hardly let you get a word in edgewise.
Joel: True
Leo: Plus, he would just take off his clothes, and well... you know how much I enjoy chest hair...
Joel: Didn't need to picture that, really could have done with out that.
Leo: Sorry, hey I think I see my supervisor coming, what are you doing this weekend? Let's hang out, come up to Wildomar, we can chat some more. I'd love to see a friendly, partially sane face.
Joel: Only if we can get super smashed, this week has been terrible.
Leo: I am so down for that, crap Lisa's here, I'll call you later!
Lisa Enters
Lisa: Leo, I know you haven't worked here that long, but you should know that you can't use your cell phone while on the clock. Remember: Cell Usage, Not Tolerated, C.U.N-
Leo: (Interrupting) Ok, yeah, got it, thanks Lisa.
Black out.
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