Werk writing: day 2 a short play about a proctocologist

So here is a short play about those unsung heroes, the people who have the lucky job of taking stuff out of butts. Enjoy 

Daryl: a proctocologist

Marvin: Local putting things up his butt enthusiast

Ms Lumont:Daryl's receptionist

The office of Proctologist Daryl Anna. Mid day, the reception room. Ms Lumont organizes papers, pours coffee, eats a cake, then reapplies her lipstick, she plays with her hair, then tries to slut up her cleavage for the good doctor. As he enters she puts down her hair and tries ( unsuccessfully ) to be seductive while sitting on a table.

Ms. Lumont: good morning doctor

Daryl: yes hello ms Lumont, are these the patients for today?

Ms Lumont: yes Doctor (she flips her hair and it just gets more in her face, now she's just sitting there trying to blow it out of her face) 

Daryl: is everything ok ms Lumont?

Ms Lumont: (losing all attempts at being sexy) yeah, things are great...

Daryl: right, well it's time to start the day, bring on the butts ms Lumont!

Ms Lumont: yes doctor.

(She exits and Marvin enters, he is a very normal looking guy, the good doctor shrugs melodramatically)

Daryl: oh no, not you again-

Marvin: hey Doc, so you are NOT gonna believe what happened-

Daryl: you're right Marvin, I'm not gonna believe what happened. I never believe what you say happens, there's honestly very few instances where something gets stuck up an ass on accident, and I can only believe someone so many times when they tell me it's an accident. 

Marvin: well I'm sure I'm still in that range of people you believe right?

Daryl: I'd say after the first three times I start to suspect something's up...

Marvin: how many times have I been here?

Daryl: Ms Lumont, what is the count up to?

Ms Lumont: (in and out real quick) 212 times sir

Daryl: 212 times Marvin.

Marvin: 212? Really? Is it that many times? That can't be right.

Daryl: is that right Ms Lumont?

Ms Lumont: including today it's actually 213 sir, excuse me

Daryl: there we go, so let's just pretend you already told the story, and I told you I believe you, which I don't, and never have, let's make that clear, and you can just pull down your pants, and I'll pull whatever is in your ass out of your ass-

Marvin: it's my keys...

Daryl: your keys Marvin?

Marvin: my keys... I haven't gone inside my house in a week...

Daryl:that explains the smell... Marvin, I'm not doing this today, you need to go take a shower and come back

Marvin: I can't leave, I need my keys, how else am I going to get in my house?

Daryl: break in like any normal sane person

Marvin: but my burglar alarm! I need a key to deactivate it.

Daryl: oh that can't be right-

Ms Lumont: actually sir, my parents have a very similar alarm

Daryl: ms Lumont you are not helping!

Ms Lumont: sorry sir...

Daryl: ok Marvin: pull down those pants, and you owe me for this-

Marvin: oh thank you doc! Anything you want!

Daryl: please, please please! Do not stick anything up your ass for at least a month-

Marvin: two weeks-

Daryl: a month-

Marvin: three weeks-

Daryl: a month-

Marvin: one week...

Daryl: just stop putting things up your butt! There are actual people with actual health problems that need me.

Ms Lumont: doctor, we have have that woman from that cam website on the phone, her rectum is distended... Again.

Daryl: god I hate my life...

Here we go again... Story a day 1

Alright, here we go again, I find myself having not posted in over a year... Probably, but let's try it. I have a new job that sometimes I have a lot of down time, so let's fill that downtime with writing! I have an iPad now (cause I'm so hip!) and am going to try and write a short story everyday I have free time. Now they won't be amazing and magical (or they might, don't judge!) but let's try it, I'm gonna post on Facebook for topics, characters, events, a... Color? Who knows, and we'll see what I can come up with. Today's story comes from an event that actually happened at work today, plus some made up stuff to actually make it a story, this is what would be chapter one of a much larger mystery if I was actually writing it out, which I might, not sure yet. Let me know what you think. 

It was a day not unlike any other day for Chuck Grimm, he sat at a desk waiting for packages to come in so he could sort them, an existence that was possibly the most dull life he ever lived. What would come in next, UPS, FED EX, USPS the possibilities were literally three. Then down the hall he heard a man's deep voice "Fuck! Shit!" The voice came from a resident of the building Chuck worked at, a high rise condo building, 54 floors, in downtown Chicago, the kind where the people were rich and mean, and the nice ones were few and far between. 

A resident in a sweaty tank top, he had probably just been working out, he looked like one of those people who work out a lot, Chuck rolled his eyes, Chuck was not one for working out... Much to his own chagrin. The resident, who Chuck was pretty sure was named...Mark? Came over frantically. "Please I lost my dog, I have a vision problem, I lost my dog on the elevator. I came off and I thought the dog was right behind me, shit, my wife is going to kill me. And these ass holes just got on and took the elevator, like you'd think they would see the dog and say something, shit!" 

Chuck reached for the phone and called the front desk, "Hey I have a resident down here who lost his dog on the elevator-"

"I'm Gene, Gene in 2301! And I didn't lose my dog! Someone took her when I was on the elevator"

The doorman on the other side of the receiver wasn't much help to the situation, "we'll there's nothing we can do, if it's on the elevator, it's on the elevator"

"Ding!" The elevator returned down to their level, and when the doors opened up, there was Gene's dog.  Chuck thought, "well, glad that's over..." When a high pitched scream came from the increasingly sweaty Gene. 

"Oh god, Muffy!" 

Chuck looked over and Muffy the, usually radiant, white Eskimo was now covered in blood. "Oh shit! Is she ok?" Chuck hurriedly asked. "He's a He!" Gene shrieked back. "Not that it matters much now" Chuck said under his breath, hoping Gene didn't hear. 

Chuck looked the dog over, and for being covered in blood it looked rather happy, it was licking it's owners tears up trying to cheer him up.

"Sir? I think Muffy is ok, he doesn't seem to be hurt, I don't think that's his blood"

Gene shrieked back "Well who's blood is it!?" 

"That is a great question..." Chuck barely had time to think before a call came out over the radio. 

"Barry to front desk, I need medical assistance on the 45th floor, please send medical assistance to the 45th floor."