Scene 5: Leo @ Lunch
A diner, Leo and Joel are seated by a waitress, she leaves
Leo: Alright, so tell me everything, Bryan Daniel fired Karen?
Joel: And now he is directing the show.
Leo: What are you guys doing anyway?
Joel: The Scottish Play
Leo: What?
Joel: You know, “The Scottish Play”
Leo: No, yeah, I know, but why are you saying it like that? Why not just call it by it's name? Mac-
Joel: (Cuts him off) Nope, ah, don't, just, The Scottish Play, ok?
Leo: Why won't you say it?
Joel: Because...
Leo: Why?
Joel: Well, you know... (Points out to the audience and brings attention to the actual theater space) Cause we're in a... you know... don't make me say it...
Leo: Oh right... (clears throat) So how is a dick who's never even seen a play supposed to direct Macbeth?
Joel: We're just gonna ignore that? Alright, uh, well he is definitely not doing a good job. He doesn't really know what to do, or what the play is about. So he just rented a whole bunch of film adaptations and are telling the actors to do like in the films
Leo: What do you mean?
Joel: He just gives them a DVD and tells them, “Watch this, do it like that”
Leo: That's horrible advice, and how are the actors handling it?
Joel: Well, some of them have really taken to it, I mean it wouldn't be so bad if he just gave all of them the same movie to emulate, but our Macbeth was given a Japanese adaptation, and he wants to read all his lines in Japanese.
Leo: No...
Joel: Oh my god, you should have seen him, yesterday he came to rehearsal in full garb, with a sword and everything, oh my god it's terrible.
The Waitress walks over
Waitress: Hey, you guys ready to order?
Leo: Uh, actually we just need a little longer
Waitress: Ok, that's fine (She just stands there staring at them, she has something to say, and is very excited about it) Can I ask you, are you two a thing?
Leo: Excuse me?
Waitress: You two are Gay right?
Leo: Yes, is that a problem?
Waitress: Oh no, no, no! You misunderstand me sweet heart. I think what y'all are doin is just great! Ya know, the Gay thing. I had an Uncle who was Gay, real shame though, he killed himself
Leo and Joel become physically uncomfortable
Leo: Oh, I'm so sorry for your loss.
Waitress:Oh, thank you. Yeah I just love the Gays, so funny, they're great dancers, and just are so good at fashion!
Joel: Uh... Thank you?
Waitress: Ya know, if you two are thinkin of having kids anytime soon, I've been thinkin bout it too, havin a Gay guys kid. Ya know, bein a surrogate mother.
Leo: Oh, no we're not-
Waitress: Oh, I could give ya a real discount too! I turn out just adorable little kids, you should just see my kids, so pretty, not like my sister Judith's kids, buncha chunky little acid faced monsters if ya ask me, oh but do try to not tell her I told you that. Here, take a look at my oldest, nine, ain't he just the cutest little kid you ever seen? And you could have your very own, if the price is right.
Leo: No, really we're good, thank you though.
Waitress: Ok, well if you change your mind I know a gal that's got two thumbs, is divorced from her jealous husband, and has a real fertile uterus! This one! (laughs) So ya know what you want?
Leo: I'll just take a burger and fries.
Joel: Pancake breakfast please.
Waitress: Ok, and how would you like your child today? Blond, or brunette? Just kiddin, a little surrogate mother humor! (Exits thinking she just told the best joke ever)
Joel: Was she just trying to sell us her uterus?
Leo: I think so... Coulda been worse, the other day I had a nine year old ask me if I knew where he could get some weed. What the hell is wrong with people?
Joel: Well, so how are things here for you?
Leo: Oh I just love it, lots of open air, the locals are so lovely, every one here really embraces what it means to be a compassionate human... I hate it, I hate it with the passion of a million suns, the people here are weird, I think some of them don't have souls, yesterday I saw a baby wearing an “I Like Ike” shirt, how is that still a thing!?
Leo stops talking as OCD Guy enters from stage right and walks across the stage, he wears a cap and carries a cane for the blind with him. He does not say anything, or take notice of anyone, Leo follows him with his eyes, mesmerized/terrified.
Joel: What are you-
Leo: Shhh!
Joel now sees him and they watch him walk across the stage together, he exits.
Joel: Who was that?
Leo: OCD Guy.
Joel: Who?
Leo: He's this old guy who walks the same path through the town everyday. He never says anything to anyone, he doesn't even move when he see's you coming. So we call him OCD Guy.
Joel: Is he blind?
Leo: I don't think so, he just carries that cane.
Joel: Uh, ok.
Leo: So what were we talking about?
Joel: You, here, hate.
Leo: Right. This town, it breeds a certain type of crazy that I had forgotten about. I mean yeah I've got a few screws loose, but some of the people here just aren't there anymore. I don't know if it's the meth in the air, or the water from Lake Elsinore, but they sure are something different. And different from city crazies, this is small town crazy, and I think I'm catching it Joel. The other day I swear I heard a disembodied voice call my name out as I walked home from work, my boss told me that it was the souls of all the kids who died in the making of the Little Rascals, I know that doesn't make any sense, but I kinda believed him!
Joel: Leo, why don't you come back with me? Come back to the city, to the Theater.
Leo: God I miss the Theater, but there's no way Bryan Daniel would accept my help, he was always like that, one time he wouldn't let me drive him to the hospital because he wouldn't let a “silly broken leg” ruin his weekend. We were camping, and were attacked by wolves, we stayed for another three days until he passed out and I could get him to a hospital.
Joel: Jesus.
Leo: And besides, he's the asshole that fired me in the first place!
Joel: Well what are you gonna do? Stay here and work your shitty jobs that you hate for the rest of your life? It's not like there's any Theater going on around here.
Leo: You know what? You're right.
Joel: You'll come back with me? I can talk to Bryan Daniel if you want-
Leo: No, no, no not about that jag, about there being no theater here.
Joel: Yeah, so?
Leo: I'll make some!
Joel: Huh?
Leo: I'm gonna start a theater company out here!
Joel: What!?
Leo: Yeah, I'll start a company, rent out a space, put on a show, and start a Theater revolution!
Joel: I don't think that's a thing.
Leo: Ok, maybe not a revolution, but I'll be able to do some theater, and you're going to help me!
Joel: What? No way, Bryan Daniel said that if I can make it through tech week without him firing me he would give me a big bonus.
Leo: That's a lie, he always used to say that to his house cleaning staff, about lasting till christmas, and before you could say deck the halls, they were deported, and they weren't even immigrants. Come on Joel, we can start our own company, you and me , just like old times.
Joel: So you'll yell at me all the time? I'm good, Bryan Daniel is a prick, but at least he's paying me.
Leo: Joel, I'm sorry, I really am, this time will be different, we'll be partners, equals in the business, whattya say?
Joel: Well... I need to think about it, it's quite a big step, I don't even live out here. How am I supposed to make money?
Leo: You can move in with me, at my parent's place. We'll find you a job, the theater will be our extra project.
Joel: That sounds like a terrible idea, your Dad doesn't like me.
Leo: My Dad doesn't like anybody, it'll be fine, we won't even be at the house most of the time. Joel, I am very invested in this idea now.
Joel: But you just came up with this like a minute ago, we have to think about this more.
Leo: (Getting down on one knee) Joel Marcus Rabinowitz
Joel: That's not my name...
Leo: Would you do me the honor of being my business partner in this new Theater company? For better or worse? Cause if it fails we're screwed.
Joel: When you put it like that it just sounds terrible... (Looks at him) Oh alright, fuck it. What's there to loose, except everything, yes, I will, I will go into business with you.
Leo: You've made me the happiest Gay Man in all of Wildomar (He gets up and Kisses Joel an the lips, there is a collective clapping and hollering as if from other patrons)
Leo: Sorry, I got a little carried away...
Joel: Oh, uh no, it's fine...
Waitress: (Entering) I just heard, you're getting married!? Should I go prep my womb?
Joel: Oh god
Leo: Even better, we're opening a Theater company!
Blackout, light on Leo
Leo: And that's how it happened, Joel and I started a theater company, over the next couple of weeks we got things started. I helped Joel move into my parents place, I told my dad that he was an old friend from the city, which immediatley made him hate Joel, but once I told him he could pay rent he was more neutral than hateful. We got him a job at my work, and he hates it as much as I do. But we are on the hunt for a Theater space and decided to put on our own production of Macbeth. Mostly to stick it to Bryan Daniel, who wasn't too happy to see Joel leave, and even less happy to see me. But we are making it happen. We think we even found a space and are going to go check it out this weekend. Honestly, I'm terrified. I haven't told Joel this, but what if we fail? I can talk big because I've put on a lot of shows, but what if we can't pull this off? What if no one comes? Joel moved his entire life because I asked him to. And what about that? Are me and Joel? That kiss was so... I uh, don't really have time to think about that right now. He's a great guy don't get me wrong, but I just need more time.
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