The Interview

This skit was alot of fun, I acted in this one with the talented Mr. DeAndre Clay, he was the one getting interviewed. Nathan Bell improved a great transition with DeAndre, the interview was taking place in his dream, and as DeAndre fell asleep Nate echoed "Hope you get the job, hope you get the job, hope you get the job"

This skit actually came out of a dinner I had with some friends at Denny's (The only thing open past 10Pm in Wildomar) where I was "Interviewing" this chick named Trish, she had met all my old high school friends at their junior college, and apparently she was getting on some nerves, so I decided to have a little fun with her. 

Interview

A table, a man comes in to be interviewed for a job

Interviewer: Hello, and Welcome, thank you for meeting with me today.  Now, I'm just going to ask you some simple questions, and all you have to do is answer openly and honestly, no pressure ok?

Man:  Ok

Interviewer: Now just what are your reasons for applying with us today?

Man: Well, I think your company would be a great place to work and I love all the products your company makes

Interviewer: I'm gonna have to stop you and remind you that I asked you to answer honestly and openly

Man: uh... Well my reasons for applying are... that-

Interviewer: Financial or other?

Man: Financial, I really need the money-

Interviewer: For crack?

Man: What? No, I don't do crack

Interviewer: Do you  look down on people who use crack?

Man: I... Don't know I mean I think it's bad to use crack

Interviewer: Do you often look down on others? Do you think you are better then them and that your choices are made with any more thought then theirs?

Man: I'm sorry, I think we got off on the wrong foot

Interviewer:  Right, let's keep going with the interview, it says here that your last job was at a store called Lotions and Lace?  Tell me about that

Man: Well, it was a specialty store in my hometown, that sold various types of... things

Interviewer: Pornography?

Man: Uh

Interviewer: I'm going to remind you again to be honest

Man: Fine! Yes it was a porn store!

Interviewer: Thank you for being honest, now tell me what was you relationship like with your father?

Man:  It was alright, I mean he was a pretty ok guy, he worked 3 jobs to support us kids

Interviewer: Did he ever hit you?

Man: I guess, when we deserved it

Interviewer: Was it abusive?

Man: What? No, I wouldn't say--

Interviewer: Ok, well I'm going to put down abusive

Man: Is that really on the form?

Interviewer: and your mother?

Man: she was a stay at home mom

Interviewer: alcoholic?

Man: No, sober 45 years

Interviewer: Intravenous drug user?

Man: Not that I know of

Interviewer: lady rapist?

Man: No!

Interviewer: did she ever hit you?

Man: no

Interviewer: kill your dog?

Man: no

Interviewer: eat a sandwich?

Man: no!-- wait what?

Interviewer: so she doesn't like sandwiches, ok, duly noted.

Man: I don't understand what this has to do with the job or the interview

Interviewer: Well, of course not, I'm the one with the form. Now, tell me, are you in a relationship?

Man: is that on the form too?

Interviewer: no i'm just wondering

Man: oh, well I'm single

Interviewer: why is it that an attractive young man like yourself is still single? Are you into violent sex acts?

Man: no i'm just not looking for a relationship

Interviewer: ah, man-whore

Man: no, i'm not a manwhore

Interviewer: asexual? That sounds fine. What about siblings?

Man: I have 3 brothers and 2 sisters

Interviewer: any in prison?

Man: NO

Interviewer: How does that make you feel?

Man: uh, good?

Interviewer: should a person who has siblings that have been in prison feel bad?

Man: I don't--

Interviewer: Right, well what about dogs?

Man: dogs? Do I have any dogs or have any of my dogs been in prison?

Interviewer: now that is just silly (laughs) really can anyone really own a dog? Alright, well just a few more questions. Tell me a sad story from your childhood

Man: I don't think so

Interviewer: well someone really doesn't want a job

Man: fine one time when I was 12... I went to my neighbors house and I saw his wife have a heartattack and as she died she looked me in the eyes and told me I would never amount to anything.

Interviewer: tell me about the neighbor? Did he ever touch you inappropriately? Gently at first? And then get a little rougher?

Man: ok, seriously, that cannot be on the form.

Interviewer: (hands form) line 24b

Man: (reading) “Gently at first? And then get a little rougher?” What the-- how is-- you know what I don't even care. I'm just going to go. I don't even want the job. Good day sir, good day.

(exits)

Interviewer: Such a shame such a shame, he woulda went far here.

FIN