The Messiah is Due on Maple Street

If you watch The Twilight Zone, or ever talked to me about The Twilight Zone you've heard of this episode called "The Monsters are Due on Maple Street" my all time favorite episode. This skit is only really similar in a few aspects, the title and the fact that a group of people and their willingness to believe something simply because it explains the unknown, which ultimately leads to a death. In this case it is Chester Berry, who comes home from the hospital claiming that he is the messiah, which leads his friends to become his followers, while David is a "non-believer" and thinks rationally, this of course leading to his off stage death. It's a pretty fun little skit so don't let my description of it bog you down. In reality alot of these skits are pretty messed up, but when taken in a lighthearted fashion they're pretty fun. A huge inspiration is this joke that I have with a couple of people, that one of our friends (Shaun) is the messiah, and I am always the non believer, so this skit came out of that he is pretty much Chester and I am David.  Also if you haven't seen The Monsters are Due on Maple Street, CHECK IT OUT

The Messiah is Due on Maple Street

Mr. Moral: Maple Street, A street like any normal street, there are houses painted white and blue, and white and green. Various folks living there, more characters than people really, just like anyone you know.  Crack addicts, garbage men, jewlery store owners, and this house.  The house of one Chester Berry, painted white and purple, with a few bushes out front, it has sat empty for four months, he has been in a coma, but today he comes home, his friends wait for him, but what they don’t know is that he is about to change their lives forever, in our little story titled: The Messiah is Due on Maple Street. (Exit)

A welcome home party. People are in house waiting for their friend.

Sherry: I'm so excited he's coming home today. It's been four months he's been in that coma.

Gary: I was worried he'd never come out of it.

Sherry: The doctors weren't sure he ever would, honestly it's nothing short of a miracle.

Terry: Everyone they're here! Shh! Hide!

Everyone hides behind furniture and... things.

Chester and David enter. Everyone comes out and shouts surprise!

David: You guys! I told you no shouting surprise. The doctor said it wouldn't be good for him.

Terry: Oh what does that dumb doctor know? They said he'd be in that coma forever, but look at him now, four months!

Gary: It's nothing short of a miracle!

Sherry: I said that!

David: Ah shit, don't say miracle.

Sherry: Why not?

Chester: My friends, a miracle has occured--

David: Here we go...

Sherry: Yeah, we know Chester, you coming out of that coma is a miracle.

Chester: Yes, the coma friends. Gather 'round, I have something important to say

Gary: How important? I gotta drop the kids off at the pool.

Chester: Well that depends. How important is the salvation of your soul?

Gary: Uh, I can hold it.

Chester: Friends while I was in that coma an angel came to me. The angel Ringo came and told me that--

Gary: Ringo? As in the Beatle?

Sherry: But he's not even dead, how can he be an angel.

Chester: It is not the same Ringo. He was an angel, still British, but not the same guy.

Terry: Did you ask him to sing Octopus's Garden.

Chester: It was not the same Ringo!

Terry: He didn't have to be the same Ringo to sing it... it's a fun song.

Chester: I'm sorry. Just listen. Ringo the angel came to me in my coma and told me big news.

Gary: That you were gonna live?

Chester: Well, yeah, but...

Gary: Wow, wish he woulda come to all of us. We were worried sick.

Terry: So an angel came and saw ya? He say anything about me?

Chester: What? No... he came to me and said...

Sherry: Anything about me?

David: He didn't say anything about any of you. Now just shut up and listen to this insane man's story.

Sherry: Jeez, I was just askin'.

Chester: Ringo the angel came to me and told me that I would live, but that I was being born again as the messiah

Sherry: You're the lowest balcony in a theatre?

David: That's mezzanine Sherry, he said messiah.

Sherry: What's that?

Chester: I am the second coming of Christ!

Gary: Who?

David: (like the swear, not the name) JESUS CHRIST!

Chester: Exactly, thank you David. I am the second coming of Jesus Christ, I will save the souls of the people.

They all laugh

Chester: What's so funny?

Gary: Look, as soon as I get back from the john, we'll discuss the many reasons why that is hilarious.

Exit Gary

Chester: What does he mean?

Terry: Chester, you know we love you but you aren't exactly the religious type,  not to mention all the horrible things you say.

Chester: Like what?

Sherry: The way you talk about women, the way you hit on them, that time you tried to roofie that girl, not to mention your use of the phrase "dip it."

Chester: I already explained to you that she wanted to role play and date rape was a fantasy she had.

Terry: you swear like a sailor.

Chester: Not anymore, I have been reborn, right David?

David: Oh, don't bring me into this.

Chester: He saw! He saw me perform three miracles--

Sherry: Christmas miracles?

Chester: No, just regular kind.

Terry: What?

Gary: You did?

David: No, no I didn't.

Chester: David is a non-believer, but he did see me perform three miracles.

Sherry: What were they?

Chester: First there was a man who could not walk. I put my hand on his leg and said "Walk!", and so he did.

David: He made it two steps before he fell into a pile of his own sick. The doctor who was leading his physical therapy said that he wasn't ready for it and that all the help from therapy was undone.

Sherry: You made that man walk, Chester? You really did?!

David: Did you not just hear what I  said?

Terry: What else did you do?

Sherry: Yeah, tell us!

Gary: (walking in) Ok so here is why you cannot be the messiah.

David: Thank you, Gary.

Terry: Gary, shut up, Chester is just telling us about the miracles he's performed.

Sherry: He made a man walk!

Gary: He did? I'm listening!

David: Son of a--

Chester: For my second miracle I helped a blind woman see.

Gary, Sherry, and Terry all gasp.

David: Oh come on!

Chester: Say what you will David.

Gary: Yeah David. Non-believer!

David: Gary, you weren't even here for the last miracle!

Gary: That doesn't mean I can't believe!

Chester: I saw this woman. She had not the power of sight. I put my hand across her broken eyes and said "See!", and when I took my hand away she could once again view the world.

Sherry: Oh, Chester... these miracles are making me all HOT

Terry: Well what does the non-believer have to say about that?

David: She had just woken up and still had crust on her eye lids that Chester wiped away. She was never blind.

Gary: Shun the non-believer!

Gary, Terry, Sherry: SHUN!

David: I can't believe you guys are believing this! Come on, think about. Chester cannot be the messiah!

Chester: Why not?

David: Because you are a not a moral person! You torture small animals for fun, you scam the girl scouts, you once ate a live baby chick!

Chester: It was crunchy... but that was the old me, this is the new me. The reborn me.

David: Just because you say you're reborn does not mean that you are a  new person. You don't just become the messiah, asshole!

Gary: Hey! Be careful what you say. You got a religious figure right here, man!

Sherry: Go on! Tell us about your third miracle, oh great messiah.

David: Oh, Jesus.

Chester: Yes?

David: Oh, shut up! You know what? Go ahead and tell them about your third miracle!

Chester: Thank you, son. For my third miracle I quieted a storm. All through the building you could hear the wind and the rain and I looked to the sky and said, "You shall storm no more!", and everything stopped.

Gary: Oh my Chester!

Terry: Amazing!

Sherry: Go ahead, try and explain this one away!

David: Easy. His neighbor in the next room was watching the 2000 film The Perfect Storm and heard chester yelling and shit himself so he had to stop the movie.

Sherry: Oh, a likely story. Why can't you just believe, David?

Gary: Yeah, David, where's your faith?

David: My faith? Are you kidding me? This man is not  the messiah! Look, why don't you perform a miracle right now?! Come on! Oh great messiah, give us a sign!

Terry: Yeah!

Sherry! Ooooh, come on!

Gary: Et cetera!

Chester: Ok!

Chester raises his arms. Nothing happens for a bit, then the lights start to go crazy and strange noises are heard. Gary, Sherry and Terry are visibly shaken. David is skeptical.

David: Oh, come on! What was that?

Chester: A sign of my power. Now do you believe?

David: No, of course not.

Gary: What is wrong with you? Didn't you see that. It was beautiful.

Terry: and terrifying!

Sherry: and magnificent! Oh, great messiah!

David: Stop it you guys! There has to be an explanation for this!

Sherry: You know what David? I'm getting real tired of your non-believer talk. I think it's time that you believe in our messiah.

Gary: Yeah! Because if you don't wise up soon, we may just have to make you mind.

David: What the--

The three of them start to advance toward him

David: What are you going to do?

Terry: You will be a casualty in the war of good and evil.

David: Hey, come on guys... stop it... terry come on, ouch hey gary stop it...

Gary: I'm sorry Dave, I'm afraid I can't do that.

They chase him off. His screams can be heard from off-stage.

An electrician enters.

Electrician: Hey, hi, um sorry about all the craziness, the lights flickering and all the crazy noises, I think we hit a giant power supply down the street. Okay... alright have a good day.

Electrician exits

Mr. Moral enters.

Mr. Moral: Sometimes it’s just better to go with the flow... at least until you can safely call the cops.

Gary: (from off-stage) Who's that? Some one is with the messiah!

Sherry: A Judas! Get him!

Terry: KILL HIM!

The chase him off.