I love her to death, guys

So I want to try and stay semi regular with this blog, of course once everything I've written so far is on here I might be a little boned, but I will wait until I am boned thusly to worry about it. Today comes a skit I really had a lot of fun with, both with writing and directing and seeing it performed. This skit was a giant "Not!" to the audience (I feel we should bring "Not" back, just saying) This piece came out of a brainstorm between me and my friend Shaun Rosten, I'm not entirely sure how it came about but it was this idea of like "What if there was this giant wedding proposal idea" and how we could make that funny. well it was a pretty epic proposal, and then in the end you find out she had been in a horrible car accident, but the guy won't admit it so it turns out that every tuesday this guys asks his friends out to talk to them about the proposal. When we performed it I laughed so hard, the audience reacted perfectly, people were pissed, they had been along for this ride the entire time, my actors (DeAndre Clay, Brittany Allen, and Guy Robbins) were great in the story telling (the dear Paola Kubelis was along for the ride as the waitress) and then the big reveal, this chick died months ago. there was this huge roar from the audience, they were tricked and or upset, I laughed my ass off in the booth. This one was my trick on them, and I think they liked it.

A couple,  Derek (D) and Victoria (V) are sitting at a table and enjoying talking and enjoying coffee.

D: Eric is coming by today, says he's got big news.
V: You know what that means...
D: He's gonna talk about proposing to Mary again.
V: Oh, great, this oughta be fun.
Eric (E) enters
E: Derek! Victoria! there you guys are!
D: Speak of the devil... hey Eric!
They get up to hug him.
V: Hey there handsome.
E: You guys, I've got some big news!
V: So Derek says! But first, let me just say that while I fully support you as a person, Eric, there is clearly something here you are not ready to deal with, it has been six months--
D: Victoria, you will do well to keep quiet.
V: Well, someone has to say it.
D: Victoria Nanette Bouillon-Ionesco, you are worse than more Mother (V shuts up in a moment of horror) ... so Eric! What's up!? What's the big news?
E: I'm going to do it, I'm going to ask Mary to marry me, and this time I mean it!
V: Of course you do...
D: That is enough out of you, Little Miss Sassifrass. Eric, congratulations! I'm so very excited for you!
V: (unenthused) Yay...
E: (unphased) Thanks guys. I wanted you two to be the first ones to know.
V: How are you going to propose to her?
E: I haven't decided. That's why I've come to you two for help... my two closest Married friends.
D: We are touched.
V: By an angel.
D hits V
V: What were you thinking? Horseback? Because that's always a classic.
E: I want it to be crazy, and luxurious, and extravagant, and beautiful, and luscious, and better than any other proposal ever. I want it to be so romantic, the movie Ghost looks like House of a Thousand Corpses!
D: Okay, what about doves?
E: They could bring the ring! Can you train doves to do that?
D: I can train them to sing "Dancing Queen", I don't think that would be a problem.
V: What about an elephant!
D & E: What?
V: You ride in on an elephant...
E: Whoah...
V: You take an elephant... put it in a plane... drop it with a giant parachute. The minute it lands, the doves are released to bring the ring to her and you ride over to her on the elephant. Bam! Will you marry me?
E: I like where this is going... let's go bigger.
D: Okay, what about a fountain that is filled with glitter? And the elephant sprays the glitter water in the air?
V: And it spells out "will you marry me". But then, out of nowhere, a giant sea serpent picks Mary up and you, with your split-second decision-making skills, leap into action and fell the beast with one swoop of your blade. And as you fall back to Earth the doves catch you and give you the ring. Pow! "Will you marry me?"
E: I love it! Bigger!

The lights dim and the ticking of a clock is heard. The men mime all these great ideas they have with huge movements. Most do not have to make sense.

Lights return to normal as ticking fades. They men have little energy left.

E: Ok, let me see if I got this straight... no pun intended. Cause you guys, this might be it...
V: Wait, let's find a single lonely looking desperate and available woman and see what she thinks of the proposal. Oh, she looks just right, waitress!  (W)
W: What? More coffee?
D: No, actually, we need you to listen to something and tell us what you think. Could you do that for us?
W: Sure, why not? I'm on the clock.
E: Okay. Here it goes. This is how I am planning on proposing to my girlfriend, Mary:
First, I take her, an elephant, two horses, a German with an eye patch, and a Russian in a speedo into the air with me.
D: The Russian is flying the plane while the German, who has an eyepatch is the only other passenger besides us. Well it turns out that the German with the eyepatch is actually famous sky pirate Mectic Von Bailskey, and he plans to hijack this plane!
V: He kidnaps Mary and stabs Eric, leaving him for dead. He goes to the Russian pilot in a speedo and commands him to land the plane in his secret Alaskan base!
E: We land in Alaska and Mectic Von Bailskey kills the Russian pilot in a speedo, taking my precious Mary with him. Thinking everyone on board is dead, Mectic leaves to meet with his officers: selpy, thehookahpillah, awesomebea, amazingjen, and the diabolical sonfetzfno. Each skypirate is as deadly as the next!
D: But what Mectic didn't count on was that Eric wasn't dead, only pretending, you see the dagger pierced the casing for the wedding ring that Eric had planned to give to Mary. he found a machine gun and fought off the pirates in a true show of prowess, strength, heroism, and courage.
V: Eric takes Mary back to the plane and pilots it away from Alaska and its insane inhabitants, but he didnt refuel when they left. They are running low on fuel. They decide to make  a jump for it and strap on parachutes to themselves and all the animals on the plane. They all leap out together, holding arms.
E: As we fall through the sky I tell her I love her and she loves me back. We reach the ground and land on horses and ride them into the sunset, while the elephant falls from the sky. When it hits the ground it explodes into a million doves.
D: They stop just in time to see it happen and the doves spell out: "will you marry me?". And Mary says yes, with tears streaming down her face, she loves him, he loves her, everyone's in love. It's beautiful. the end!
V: Or is it? just as everything seems all fine and dandy, a knife pierces through Eric's chest. It's that dastardly sonfetzfno! She has come for vengeance, but dies. Eric falls into his love's arms and as he looks into her eyes he says his final "I love you" as his life slowly fades away. Then end!
E: Now, would you marry me if I proposed in that way?

Through this whole thing the waitress has fallen in love with Eric.

W: Yes! Yes! A thousand times yes!
E: Great! Mary will go crazy over it! Well, guess I'm off to find a German in a speedo and a Russian with an eyepatch.
E exits, W follows.
D: No, sweety it was a German with an eye... nevermind, it doesn't matter anyway. Not like it's going to happen.
V: You should have just let me say my peace.
D: And what? Let you crush the poor boy?
V: Well, look, it's better to be honest with him. It has been six months since Mary died in that car accident and every Tuesday he calls us up to tell us  of his elaborate plans to ask her to marry him. It needs to stop.
D: Maybe next time...