NWF # 15 I am Waiting For a Bus

Hello readers! I wasn't going to be able to complete a new scene for today so i was going back through my composition book (That is where I do all of my original handwritten drafts) and I found this skit I wrote a few months back, I didn't really think it was that great, so i never posted it, but then I read through it again today and saw some potential. I made some edits and added some more dialogue, changed the ending and made it a Mr. Moral skit! So I hope you enjoy and that if you had any doubts in your mind about whether or not I am a horrible person that this clears it up.

I am Waiting for a Bus

A bus stop, Mr. Moral walks out, during his monologue Carl Enters.

Mr. Moral: Public transportation, one of modern man's greatest inventions. If you need to go somewhere, but you don't have a car, you can hop on the bus, for about two dollars. When man created public transportation he also unknowingly created something else. The People who take Public transportation. Are they crazy? What is that smell? Does that young woman know that we can hear her while she talks on the phone? Where did that cat come from? Does that baby have a tattoo? These and many more questions are asked while riding the bus. But today we have a man who is riding the bus for the first time, Carl, age 32, Caucasian, divorced and pretending to be happy about it, banker, and part time whale enthusiast. Will he learn his lesson? Or will he wind up just another tragedy in the play on the stage of life, in our story entitled “I am Waiting for a Bus”

(Mr. Moral exits, Carl is sitting on the bench, waiting. Barr, a homeless man walks over to the bench and sits down, Carl smiles and starts talking. Carl should sound like the happiest man in the world, he is overly optimistic, practically in denial about anything bad that has happened his entire life.

Carl: Well hello there sir, it's a wonderful morning isn't it?

Barry: (Coughs/hacks) What's so wonderful about it?

Carl: Well, it's not too hot, nor is it too cold, it's just wonderful. The sun is in the sky, the birds are singing, and why just this morning I found a nickel on the ground.

Barry: Oh, I lost a nickel on the ground this morning.

Carl: Well it must be serendipity that we met then, here is your nickel along with my introduction. Hi, my name is Carl.

Barry: Hello Carl

Carl: And what is your name good sir?

Barry: Barry, Barry Berkowitz. Salutations and all that.

Carl: Well Barry Berkowitz, isn't it just lovely out today.

Barry: You already mentioned that.

Carl: Well it is just so lovely, sometimes it can get so hot at this time of day.

Barry: (mumbles) As if you would know...

Carl: What was that?

Barry: I wish it would snow.

Carl: Oh no, not me, I am not a fan of Mr. Winter, have you ever been out when he comes to town? No sir, no thank you.

Barry: Are you kidding me?

Carl: No, quite the contrary, I am quite full of wonderment.

Barry: What?

Carl: Have you ever been out in the cold?

Barry: Of course I have, I'm homeless.

Carl: You are!? Oh my, I just assumed you were some sort of foreigner with your strange garb sir. I am truly sorry I did not mean to offend you.

Barry: Uh... Thanks?

Carl: Well you are very welcome, and I must say you do not carry yourself in the manner of a homeless man, you my friend are much more dignified.

Barry: Right... you got a dollar?

Carl: I'm afraid I do not. What I do have though is this credit card. Here, take it. Why don't you buy yourself some food, or a cheese cake or something. I mean I assume homeless man may enjoy a cheesecake as well as any other man may. That is not to say that I assume many things about homeless men, other then that they are all without homes and may do sexual favors for money.

Barry: What?

Carl: Oh, no, have I offended you again? I only meant that if I were so inclined I could pay you for sexual favors no? I mean I am not so inclined, but if I were, I could yes?

Barry: No, I'm not some street whore, I'm just a homeless man. Here take your damn credit card, I'm not sucking you off!

Carl: Oh no, oh no, I fear I have done it twice now! Good Barry Berkowitz, of the Bus Stop Berkowitzs I do not wish to get sexual favors from you, I only wish to help you with this credit card. Here take it.

Barry: Look, are you sure about this? Giving me a credit card? I mean, what if I use it to buy booze?

Carl: Well that would be ok, as long as you are of age, you are of age aren't you?

Barry: Of course I am. No I mean you don't worry about what I buy? Or how much I spend?

Carl: Not at all my good sir, anything to help a fellow human being.

Barry: What's the catch?

Carl: Catch? There is no catch.

Barry: You are just giving me this credit card to do with whatever I can think of?

Carl: Yes, I mean there is only a $2,000 limit, so there are some boundaries.

Barry: That's not the point, you, Carl, are just giving me, Barry, a homeless man your credit card, with no strings attached, to go out and buy things?

Carl: Yes

Barry: And it works?

Carl: Yes.

Barry: Why?

Carl: Because it felt like the right thing to do.

Barry: Mister, you are right messed up in the head. But, well I guess I'm grateful, have fun waiting for the bus, I'm off to buy some food and clothes! (Exits)

Carl: (Pulls out his cellphone, he sounds different, less cheerful, almost desperate) Hello? Judith? It's me, Carl, Judith please let me talk to Bobby? Judith-I- He's my son dammit, now let me talk to him. No, don't hang up, Judith, listen- (He is defeated and puts his phone away, he walks off as a News Reporter walks on)

News Reporter: This is Steven Storm coming to you live from the scene of the accident, at about four PM this afternoon a man was seen walking into the middle of oncoming traffic, he was hit by a bus and died immediately, witnesses say he was talking to a homeless man right before the accident, police are looking for that homeless man, if you have any information please call 555-555-5554.

Mr. Moral has walked in as the News Reporter finishes.

Mr. Moral: There is always a catch.